hungry hearts
Now Playing: Bruce Springsteen: Darkness On The Edge Of Town
Topic: Auto Racing
They're racing at the Fairgrounds tonight - a special holiday date. The faint roar of the straining engines is a siren song to my uncertain, wavering ears. I ache for what's lost. I know it ain't coming back, but I'm wondering if I should - if I could - settle for something less.

It was a highly improbable confluence of circumstances that led to my having a chance to race the type of cars I love the first place. There aren't that many tracks in the country running non-wing open wheel cars, and far fewer that have a restricted class that's remotely within my limited civil servant means. I know I was extremely fortunate to have had the opportunity to do the thing I love for as long as I did. But even so, that blood does not leave your veins when you retire. I'll continue to yearn for the feeling of dropping the throttle and broadsliding into a turn for as long as I exist on this earth - maybe beyond.

There were so many discouraging nights - so many times when a rational person would have just packed it in. We had limited money, limited knowledge and limited skill but wondrous, amazing things can happen when you persevere against seemingly insurmountable odds. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude and pride when I think about the night I was able to give my dad an A-Feature victory.

But now, even if I wanted to throw reason to the wind and start over again in another class, my dad's no longer physically able to help, I have no kids of my own to teach and I'm not strong enough to do it all myself. My time has passed, but my heart has yet to accept it. I'm not sure it ever will...